This post could've been titled, “How do you show up when your world seems to be going to doo-doo?”
I’ve been a tad distracted of late, and it shows in my lack of posting — so, dear clients and friends and followers, I apologize for that. My higher self doth protest that there are no good excuses ... but maybe I can convince her and you that sometimes there are reasons for not showing up.
There’s another phrase that crossed my path recently, which goes something like this: Life is always fair, although circumstances may not be.
(And the mom-me of years and years cringes thinking about how many times she met a certain complaint with “You’re right. Life isn’t fair!”)
And then there was this gem in a missive this morning from my truly awesome soul-and-strategy business coach: “Coaches often have to experience what they’re teaching so that they become more compassionate teachers.”
Wowza. I kinda-sorta-definitely thought I’d had the mother of all experiences to load me up with compassion to last. (Note to self: you’re never done learning!)
In early October I received a surprising email from my landlord. A year ago, when the bottom fell out of the possibility of rebuilding in and retuning to my old neighborhood, I decided to remain in this rental, make it as “home” as I could, and focus more on rebuilding my heart and my businesses. My landlord said I was her “best tenant ever” and that I could stay as long as I wanted and do what I wanted with making the house a home. She also said her husband would never move back here.
She’s moving back into this house.
I’ve been looking for my next place ever since. The rental market is tighty-tight, landlords can afford to be picky and certain four-legged creatures (no matter how well referenced, trained, etc.) incite immediate dismissal from consideration. It’s no exaggeration when I say that I spend several hours every single day on the hunt. Every two or three days, I’m driving neighborhoods hoping to be the first to spot a sign that’s just been put up. I’ve broadcast my situation to friends and in neighborhood forums, and I receive alerts from more than 10 rental websites.
(There have been amazing kindnesses and efforts on my behalf from so many people. You know who you are, and I hope you know what a grateful heart I have for you.)
Still, nothing’s worked out. Yet.
It’s been super frustrating and as the clock ticks down, I try not to panic.
Some days I succeed more than others.
It’s the space between where I am and where I want to be, that big yawn of uncertainty, that is just icky awful uncomfortable and too many days has infiltrated my brain. I’ve got at least 10 blog posts half-assembled. My over-achieving self is a little disgusted. My tender, forgiving self is starting to lose some of her mojo.
So here I am anyway, finally, at last, showing up. Truth out.
I know-know-know that whatever lies ahead is so much for my greater good. I don’t necessarily like the scenic route it’s taking. Some days I’m just pissed about it. Other days it all seems so absurd, I’m laughing about it. What else can a girl do?
And how super excited am I that I’ll get to be my own design case study again?
Oh, the stories I’ll have to tell!
Oh, the laughs we’re going to share!
Oh, how you’re going to get THE BEST of me!
Something wonderful this way comes! Stay tuned.